10 years ago I heard of the term "insecure over-achiever", and happily labeled myself as one. I believe it helped me constantly strive for more, and m10 years ago I heard of the term "insecure over-achiever", and happily labeled myself as one. I believe it helped me constantly strive for more, and made me always look at my short-comings / areas for improvement. Later on, I also came across the term 'growth mindset' that also pushed me to identify gaps in my life so I can work on improving them.
What I did not realize, however, how this Trojan horse of habitually focusing on my life gaps [all the time] made me anxious and unsatisfied with most of what I do.
And here came "The Gap and the Gain", with a practical tool kit to balance this out.
In this book, the authors share a simple concept [yet profound if applied well] that can help you ground yourself when the over-achiever in you takes control and pounds you down.
The concept is all about how you measure your progress. Most people focus on the gap between their current reality and their ideal future. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy.
However, the authors argue that it's much more helpful to focus on the gain you've made since your previous self. This means comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, last month, or even last year. When you focus on the gain, you'll start to see your progress and feel more confident and accomplished.
As simple as the above sounds, the book comes with a set of journal prompts and day-to-day tools that make this a practical transformational journey rather than a theoretical one. A few tools:
1. Mentally differentiate between what you "want", and what you "need"; and write it down 2. Journal daily and log in 3 daily wins to force your mind to focus on daily gains "successes" (vs gaps) 3. define what's important, set a unit of measuring for each area of your life, and measure "backward" explicitly (vs comparing to the ideal) annually 4. Conduct mental exercises by subtracting the positive aspects of your life and imagining their absence. This will help you appreciate them more and serve as a reminder of our accomplishments.
As with any great book in this category, it could have been shorter.
Here are some quotes that gives you the gist of the book:
The gap is a state of anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy. The gain is a state of gratitude, confidence, and accomplishment
When you focus on the gap, you're always looking forward to a future that never arrives. When you focus on the gain, you're celebrating the present and creating a future that you love
The gap is a psychological trap that keeps you from achieving your goals. The gain is the key to unlocking your full potential.
Clarity and direct feedback is extremely important for teams and organizations. This can be delivered in Great book with a central concept as follows:
Clarity and direct feedback is extremely important for teams and organizations. This can be delivered in an unkind way or with care/candor. It is important for managers/leaders to create an environment that allows for that, mainly by: (1) bringing their whole-self (2) caring about others and (3) providing immediate feedback (vs waiting), and (4) promoting and practicing radical candor.
As with most successful business or self-help books, this central message can be boiled down to an article....more
I enjoyed reading the book. It took me one setting to finish, as I skipped a few sections that weren't of interest. A few insights I noted:
1) UnderstaI enjoyed reading the book. It took me one setting to finish, as I skipped a few sections that weren't of interest. A few insights I noted:
1) Understanding your emotions and what personal values are being affected can be very helpful in changing your leadership behavior and decisions to your benefit. For example: if you are anxious to give someone feedback because you don’t want him to feel treated unfairly, that means you value fairness. Ask yourself, is it fair to hide her areas for improvement? Is it fair to limit her growth?
2) When in stress, make physical changes to affect your mind/emotions o Take a single intentional breath o Know and recognize unpleasant emotions so you can better interpret and deal with them o “Magnify little pleasures”. Enjoy the small stuff. 0 Know that other people go through this 0 Continuously and deliberately be nice to yourself
3) “Emails from people high in power tend to be perceived as more negative”, so be weary when writing an email to your team. specifically, make your written communication clear from emotional misinterpretation. To achieve that you can: o Mimic behaviors of those you are sending the email to (eg emoticons, word choice) o State your emotions (don’t try to be too nice in giving feedback, people are smart). E.g. instead of “the xx needs to be redone. I’m sure that’s the client’s doing, and you will handle it :)” try “I am very happy with your work so far. I think the xx could be improved, though; would you mind giving it another shot?”...more
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